Asylum
by Eyreis
Summary: Belles time in the Asylum.
1. Chapter 1

***Standard Disclaimer - I do not own the show, or the characters... Just in case anyone thought something to the contrary***

-Belle-

Her head had been pounding so fiercely that it woke her from a sound sleep, she blinked reluctantly as an intense pain began forming behind her eyes. She drew her hands to her eyes and tried to press the pain away.

'Gods,' she thought, 'Why does everything have to hurt so much?' She tried rubbing at them for a while, but it really didn't help, so she gave up and tried thinking about the dream she'd been having instead. It was the same dream she always had, a glittering gold light that danced in front of her and seemed to talk with a strange mans voice. she would always forget what it said the moment she woke up, but she felt like she knew the voice somehow. Sometimes it was sad, and sometimes almost childish, but no matter what it said or how it said it she felt like it needed her, that she was important to it somehow.

A flap in the door opened up and something was pushed inside. She raised her head to see a bowl of thick greenish soup waiting for her. She grimaced before laying back down, trying to hang on to her dream for as long as she could, but the pain in her head seemed to push everything else out, reducing her memories and thoughts to a wandering fog.

"EAT!" a sharp voice commanded as a hand hit the door. she sat up and stuck her tongue out at the door, willing it to go through to the orderly on the other side. These were the only voices she heard here, the sharp commanding ones that would startle her and tell her what to do. She looked back down at the stew wishing desperately that she didn't have to eat it. The food was laced with sedatives that were meant to make her brain even foggier. They also dried out her mouth and made her feel sick to her stomach. If she could she would just refuse to eat it, but they only gave you two warnings before rushing in and giving them to you intravenously anyways. They called it doing it the easy way or the hard way.

She moved herself to her usual spot, right where the filtered sunlight usually hit the bed. The light had begun fading a while ago, but the spot was still slightly warmer than the rest of the bed. She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her head upon them. Her foggy thoughts wandering back to the voice in her dream, trying to remember what it had told her.

Then suddenly, something happened.

A sudden rush of… well something, washed over her and she felt as though everything had changed, when in fact nothing had. Slowly she raised her head and looked around. What was different? She knew every inch of this cell, so why did it suddenly feel so foreign? She stood up, listened, and looked, but everything was just as it always had been. Or was it? She looked down at her hands, maybe it wasn't the cell, maybe it was her that had changed! She felt so different, so full of questions and curiosity. How long had she been there? What was her name? Why did they keep her locked up here? She wanted to remember herself, she wanted to remember everything!

"EAT!" The voice commanded again, and she jumped a little in surprise. She had almost forgotten where she was, this place where they forced her to eat, and forced her to sleep, and wouldn't even tell her her name. How could she remember anything while they kept her in that place of perpetual fog? she looked down at the little bowl, and made a decision.

'No,' she thought, 'I wont!' She was starting to feel like a person again, and she didn't want to loose this feeling, not yet! She curled her hands into determined fists and felt the pain shoot up her arms, tracing out the track marks that were hidden beneath her sleeves. Each one had a story of when they had to use the needle to sedate her, one for when she wouldn't eat, one for when she threw a fit, one for the orderly she almost knocked unconscious as he tried to drag her to the showers. They seemed to scream out little reminders of how they always won in the end. 'No,' she told herself, 'today is different! Today I'm different!'

This strange rush of rebellious energy made her almost giddy and she grabbed the little bowl and tipped its contents out into the corner, just out of view. They would find it eventually and she would pay for this later, but right now she was thinking, and that was just too good to give up! Putting the bowl back in front of the flap, she drew herself to her spot and watched the bowl intensely. Her eyes flicked to the soup in the corner and she felt a spasm of panic when she realized it was running along the grooves in the floor and was making its way towards the flap!

She was just about to jump down to try and whisk it away with her foot when the flap opened and a hand took the bowl right before the soup could touch it. She held her breath in anticipation. Had the soup touched the hand? Did they know somehow she hadn't eaten it?

"Good Girl." The orderly said, and she could hear it being thrown it into a tub of used dishes and footsteps retreating down the hallway. Once the steps couldn't be heard anymore she let out a high giddy laugh, which resonated loudly off the walls. She pulled her pillow to her face muffling it as her whole body shook with enjoyment! Man did that feel good!

'Okay,' she told herself 'don't waste this time, try and remember, what's your name? She began listing a few in her head.

'Lauren, Liza?… Eliza?…EL…' It wasn't right, but it was close. 'Ella?… El …Erica? No Elizabeth!' No. L… L… L… something with an L… was it the sound or the letter? L, Ell, Elle. Each time the sound hit her heart with small jolt of joy, someone had called her Elle once. Someone… Who?

Sharp decisive steps came down the hall and she froze in fear. How had they found out so quickly?

'No,' she pled silently, 'No not yet. Please!' The door flew open letting in the harsh fluorescent lights, they stung her already sore and strained eyes.

The head nurse stood with arms crossed in the doorway, wearing the same facial expression she always wore. "Not hungry today?" she asked, flicking her eyes down to the floor. She fixed the nurse with a cold hazy stare unsure of what to say. "I asked you a question girl." The nurse demanded, tapping her foot. "Perhaps you're still asleep? Would a cold shower help wake you up?"

"No!" She rasped in a barely audible voice.

"Good." The nurse said walking in with a bowl in her hand, "Then Eat… Your… Food!" She shoved the bowl into her lap and slapping a spoon in her hand. "EAT!" The nurse yelled suddenly, causing her to jump. She hung her head in defeat, placing the spoon into the bowl and drawing the slightest bit up.

Why, why couldn't she win? Just once she wanted to win. Even a little victory would be better than nothing.

Before the spoon touched her lips she rasped out, "What's my name?"

The nurse stared her down, her gaze unwavering. "What's my name?" She asked louder, putting the spoon back into the bowl. Suddenly she didn't feel afraid of this woman; in fact, she was wiling to bet that this woman was growing a little afraid of her. She got to her feet and placed the bowl on her bed. "What's my name?" She demanded again walking deliberately towards the nurse who was backing towards the door.

"Orderly!" she shouted, not taking her eyes off of her.

"ELLE!" She shouted suddenly, making the nurse jump, "ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE!"

"ORDERLY!" the nurse shouted again; one came rushing in, syringe in hand.

"NO!" she shrank away from the needle, she didn't want to forget this, "ELLE!" she screamed again, "ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE!" She would say it till it was ingrained in her memory. The Nurse went for her wrists, trying to hold her down, but she thrashed and kicked, landing a good one to the side of the Nurse's knee cap. The woman hit the ground swearing loudly. The orderly called for backup and soon more people had swarmed into the tiny cell. "ELLE!" She screamed as countless hands flew to restrain her, "ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE, ELLE!" She didn't feel the needle itself, but she felt the warmth as the sedative entered her blood stream, soon the haziness had enveloped her. "elle, elle… elle… elle." she continued to say even as the hands released her and everything faded into its normal fog.

"Get the mayor on the phone." She heard the head nurse say before everything went black, "tell her its urgent."


	2. Chapter 2

-Regina-

She got the call around 9:00pm and she took in a heavy breath as she recognized the number. She did not have time for this tonight; Henry's biological Mother had just swaned into town, giving her all sorts of headaches she just didn't need. Although she had dealt with the problem, she still couldn't help but feel that this wasn't over. The last thing she needed was for something else to go wrong.

"What?" She yelled irritably into the phone.

"Sorry to bother you Ma'am," an unfamiliar voice replied meekly, "but we um…had a few issues this evening …with …the French girl." It almost sounded like a question.

"Then deal with it." She snapped. She was about to hang up when a much stronger voice came across the line.

"Regina." It said, "It's me. We have a problem." The head nurse had always held Regina's respect for being calm, practical, and also somewhat apathetic. If she said there was a problem, then there was a problem.

"What is it?" She sighed, closing her eyes in apprehension.

"I think the French girl is starting to remember."

Regina's heart froze, and she had to take in a sharp breath to get it going again.

"Are you sure? What does she know?"

"Nothing yet, but she's begun asking questions. She flew into a rage tonight because I wouldn't tell her her name."

"When was this?" She demanded walking over to the large bay window, looking towards the clock tower purely out of habit.

The clock read 9:05.

Regina dropped the phone.

- Belle –

She woke again from a heavy sedation, "belle," she said quietly to herself, "Its Belle! My name is Belle!" Her excitement took off at once, but was instantly stifled by a violent wave of nausea. She leapt up and ran to the toilet, the sudden jarring movement doing nothing for her headache; but she was so happy it just didn't matter! She had a name! It was Belle! 'Short for Isabelle?' she wondered 'Most likely! Oh Gods it feels so good to know your name!' The dream had been much clearer this time, she could remember the voice had said Belle! "Belle!" She said again, reveling in the sound.

The flap opened up, and a plate was pushed in. She had never had a plate before. On it was a small portion of rice and a dry looking piece of chicken. Maybe they had changed her medication. Maybe that was why she could think so much clearer now! She had to know.

"Nurse!" She shouted, "Nurse! Please I need to talk to you!" She heard the soft-soled shoes pause halfway down the hallway. "Listen I'm…I'm sorry about the fit I threw earlier, but I think … I think I'm starting to get better! Everything is becoming clearer! I'm thinking clearer now!" She waited for a response. The seconds ticked by in a maddening silence, and as far as she could tell the nurse had not moved at all.

"Eat," the nurse said sternly before continuing down the hall.

"Wait!" She shouted after her, "Please something's different! My thoughts, I mean, things are coming to me now! I'm remembering things! I think I'm getting better! Please come back!"

The nurses footsteps ran quicker and she could feel her enthusiasm waning as they faded down the hallway. Why wouldn't she say anything to her? Didn't they want her to get better? Belle felt almost numb as she sank to the floor. Why were they keeping her here then? As her head drooped, she caught a glimpse of her miserable little dinner plate which was, no doubt, laced with some new drug that's only purpose was to put her out again.

'What if... What if there wasn't anything wrong with me?,' she thought suddenly, 'What if they're just keeping me here, like …like a thing!?'

Her cheeks began to grow warm with anger.

'Well if they think they can just keep knocking me out so they don't have to deal with me, then they have got another thing coming!' She picked the plate up and willed herself to stand. Her mind set and decided she flung the plate as hard as she could against the wall.

Almost instantly the sound of several pairs of feet came running down the hallway. 'I knew they were watching me.' she thought as she fixed herself in the center of her cell, barely even flinching when the orderlies rushed in to restrain her. The head nurse sauntered in after them, crossing her arms irritatedly.

"Why must it always be the hard way with you?" She asked exasperatedly.

"Got your attention didn't I?!" She said with a smile.

"If you are trying to prove to us that you are getting better, this is a poor way of going about it girl." Her eyes flicked over to the orderly on her right. "Sedate her" she said. This time Belle didn't even put up a fight; she just fixed her eyes on the head nurse and glared.

"I'm not sick, and my name is Belle." She said fiercely, feeling warmth of the sedative as it entered her blood stream. She saw the nurse flick a casual eyebrow, seeming amused by this little revelation. Her legs eventually gave out and she felt someone carry her to the bed. Her vision swam and she was only vaguely aware that the nurse was even still there, when she heard her whisper in her cold clear voice,

"No, its not."


	3. Chapter 3

-Regina-

She walked purposefully into the hospital and, just like anywhere, people naturally lowered their gaze and made way for her. She had been there a lot recently, what with that Swan woman teaming up with her son and Miss Blanchard to wake up Mr. Charming. Thankfully Dr. Whale had kept her dutifully informed and she was able to tied up that little loose end rather elegantly she thought. Now there was another knot to tie, but she felt confident in the solution that she carried in the brown paper grocery bag dangling at her side. The nurse had called her earlier that day to report on Miss French's progress.

"Madame Mayor, False Alarm."

"So she doesn't remember then?" Regina asked into the phone.

"No, she was simply having vivid dreams and thought they were real. Not unusual for someone who spends most of their time sedated." The Nurse said calmly. "We're upping her dosage again, but we need to do it gradually. We don't want to cause any permanent damage."

"Dreams? What sort of dreams?" The mayor asked trying to sound nonchalant.

"Nothing of any real interest, she claimed her name was Belle, and she also keeps rambling on about a voice and a gold light. We try not to engage her too much, we don't want the real memories coming back."

Regina froze. How? How had that girl remembered? The curse should have wiped everyones memories for good so how was this possible? Did _he_ have something to do with this?

"Madame Mayor?" The nurse asked snapping her back from her thoughts.

"Right." She replied , shaking her head slightly. "Well I leave her in your capable hands."

"Very good Ma'am." The Nurse replied.

Regina hung up the phone and placed her elbows on the desk, clasping her hands in front of her. This was a problem. The girl was remembering and it wouldn't take her long to remember who had locked her away, and why. She couldn't risk that; it left too many things to chance. What if she remembered him? What if she was able to call him? Summon him? Rumplestilskin's powers had always been somewhat of a mystery to her. Even though he had taught her much, he hadn't taught her everything; and the curse had, after all, been his. That was why she had captured her little insurance policy in the first place.

She had to think, what had caused the girls memories to suddenly return?

Dreams, the nurse had said, she had been having vivid dreams. That's how it started with Graham too. He just woke up one night in a cold sweat rambling on about his old pet wolf, and after that, he just couldn't stop digging. She looked down in a moment of remorse. Graham had been a welcome little comfort, and there were times when she missed the poor fool. But he had forced her hand; she did what she had to do.

She thought back to that night, Graham had stumbled over from Granny's, already slightly inebriated, and she had let him in. They shared a few more drinks before going upstairs and by the time he eventually passed out he was quite drunk.

"The Sedatives." She said to herself. That was the link! The hazy state they kept her in was probably very similar to being drunk! Then there was David, who had started to remember things… After being in a coma! That had to be it! The curse had not wiped out everyone's memories for good. After all, any curse could be broken so the memories had to be stored somewhere.

She got up and grabbed her coat; she would go to the hospital herself and see just how much the girl had remembered. She also needed to stop them from giving her any more drugs.

She got into her car and sped towards the hospital. If the girl was remembering her past then she would need to do something about it, fast. That's when she caught sight of an old familiar building, and an idea suddenly came to her. She smiled slowly before decelerating; she would need to make a quick stop.

Once at the Hospital she passed through the padlocked doors and made her way down the stairs. The head nurse looked up from her desk and her face showed a hint of surprise.

"Madame Mayor. I wasn't expecting to see you so soon." She said.

"Well I was in the neighborhood," she replied placing the paper bag on the desk, "When I was struck with a rather ingenious solution to our little problem."

"Really?" the nurse replied skeptically.

"Perhaps all Miss French needs is a little distraction." She said reaching a hand into the bag and pulling out several books. "Something to take her mind off things." The Nurse looked them over skeptically. "I would start her off with this one." She said pointing to the one with the blue and purple cover.

"Island of the Blue Dolphins" The Nurse read. "Isn't this a children's book?"

"Yes, but its a children's book about living alone on an Island and making the best of it. A good message don't you think?" She gave the nurse a quick smile. "Plus with the sedatives anything too complicated might overwhelm her." The Nurse looked down again, mulling it over.

"And you sure that there's nothing in here that might spark something for her?" The nurse asked gravely, "We can't have her remembering Regina, I just don't have the man power to keep her under 24 hour surveillance again."

"No, this one should be fine. We just need to be careful, that's all. Nothing with love in it of course." The nurse gave a morbid little laugh.

"Of Course."

"And I think these might also calm her episodes as well, which is another thing I wanted to talk to you about." The nurse looked up attentively. "I don't like the idea of giving her more sedatives, it seems to me that they're what triggered her fits in the first place."

"Believe me I don't want to give her any more either, but she wont eat her food, and every time I have to go in there she ends up lashing out and hurting somebody. I'll soon run out of Orderlies Regina."

"That's where these come in." She said indicating the books. "Her Father tells me that as a child he would threaten to take them away when she misbehaved. Apparently it works just like magic."


	4. Chapter 4

**A longer chapter today, and finally Gold makes an appearance! ****Also I would love to hear what you guys think! **

- Mr. Gold -

The people on the sidewalk naturally parted as Mr. Gold walked by, so lost in his own rage that he barely even noticed they were there. He had just come from the sheriff station where Ms. Swan had been boasting about how many of his worthless possessions she'd managed to find. Useless trinkets. She had failed to retrieve that thing that mattered most, not to mention the thief himself. She assured him that she would find him along with anything else he took, but he was done waiting, he would do this himself.

Moe French… Who did that swollen old bastard think he was? He had been more than gracious in allowing the poor excuse of a man to even live after what he had done! Well he would be sure not to make that error again. This was the second time he had stolen something precious away from him, and he was going to make damn sure it was the last.

His angry thoughts drifted to her, and the all too brief time that they spent together. He thought of how she used to follow him around like a puppy, wanting to know what this was or what that did, and how she used to call him out on his lies! That most of all had surprised him, and now he had almost forgotten what it was like to have someone around who didn't fear him. Even in this world people were afraid of him, but he didn't think she ever was. Not even when he had thrown her in the dungeon or when he had... he could barely think the words.

'Cast her out,' his cruel mind shouted, sending in a wave of regret and frustration that caused him to tighten the grip he held on his cane. He had only meant to send her home, home to her Father where he thought she'd be safe. But instead of welcoming her back with open arms, he had greeted her with over zealous clerics that believed salvation came at the end of a red hot poker. 'He had not cast her out, he had sent her home, it had been her Father who had truly cast her out!' he told himself.

Overpowered by anger he ducked into an abandoned alley where he smashed to pieces two old lobster traps that had been propped up against a dumpster. He heard a small sound and looked up to see a small boy pointing and laughing at the scene he was making. His Mother came to see what he was looking at and her eyes grew wide with fearful recognition. Hurriedly she shushed the child, telling him it was rude to point while toting him quickly down the street.

'Thats right,' Mr. Gold thought, 'you are right to fear me, and to warn your children against me. I am a monster, despite what she believed.' He straightened himself up and walked back out onto the street. The Mother and her child were nowhere to be seen, probably ducked into a store to avoid him. 'Smart woman,' he thought, 'but now I think it's time to remind our dear friend Maurice of just what happens when you cross a beast.'

Belle

Belle sat up against the wall, looking down where one of her hands rested over the cover of her newest book. Each time she received one she was careful to keep it close at all times, as if afraid they would come in and snatch it away at any moment. She still didn't understand what had prompted this sudden kindness. The head nurse had simply walked in one day, and declared she had a present for her. She wondered at first if that present was wrapped in a syringe, but instead the nurse drew out a thin paperback novel.

"Do you want it?" She asked, holding it out.

"Why?" Obviously she wanted it, but why was the nurse giving it to her?

"Yes or No… Do you want it?" The nurse drew her hand back a little and Belle's eyes shifted from the Nurse to the book and back again.

"Yes," she said tentatively, reaching for it, but the nurse drew the book just out of her reach. Belle wondered if this was some cruel new game she was playing.

"I'll give it to you, but first you have to agree to some rules." She said, "This is a privilege not a right, so if you act out or don't do as your told, I will take it away again." The way she talked annoyed Belle, she sounded like a schoolteacher berating a child. "But if you are good, you can trade it out once you are finished and get a new one."

"Why now?"

"Rule number two, no questions." She snapped and Belle closed her mouth at once. She hated herself for doing it, she had so many questions and yet here she was, doing tricks like a show pony in the hopes of getting a reward. "Very good," the nurse said, "you will speak only when you're spoken to, you will finish all of your food, and you will cooperate on cleaning day."

Belle lowered her head, she felt as though she was selling her soul, but she was also running out of strength to protest. She had refused all her food and it was starting to take its toll. Her stomach growled and the nurse called for an orderly to bring in a plate. Belle wanted to ask if the food had sedatives in it, but how could she do that if she wasn't allowed to ask questions? She looked up at the nurse, and trembling, raised her hand.

The nurse looked at her puzzled for a moment before understanding what she wanted. "Alright what?" She asked.

"Will I black out again?" The nurse smiled, not unkindly, but not kindly either.

"No," she said, "it should only make you slightly woozy, we'll be waning you off the sedatives gradually, that is part two of the deal." Belle looked up at her with a jolt of surprise. "That's right, if you cooperate we'll take you off the sedatives, but if you act out we're putting you right back on them again." Belle's face lit up! This was too good to be true! It had to be! No more sedatives? This couldn't be real could it? She raised her hand again.

"Yes?" The nurse asked with a sigh.

"Why now?" She was almost afraid of the answer.

The nurse regarded her for a moment, before saying, "No Questions or I take everything back." Belle thought for a moment wanting to make sure she wasn't being tricked. But this seemed like the closest thing to a win she was ever going to get here. She raised the luke warm chicken to her lips and took a large bite of the rubbery meat, chewing it deliberately before swallowing. "Good girl," the nurse said watching as she cleaned her plate. When she had finished the nurse placed the book on her bed and got up to leave. She paused and turned back with one hand resting on the handle. "About those dreams you've been having." Belle's head snapped up, instantly attentive. "They were just a side effect of the sedatives, they should go away in time." She said before walking out and locking the door behind her.

Belle didn't want the dreams to go away, but she was glad to be rid of the sedatives. The first few nights the dreams were softer and more faded, and soon they were gone all together, that was until tonight.

She had woken up over an hour ago, panting as she remembered where she was. This dream had not been like the others, this dream had been angry. She had seen his face, though she instantly forgot what he looked like when she awoke, and this time he was furious. He had been shouting at her, and even grabbed her arms roughly so he could yell in her face. She knew that this should have terrified her, but it didn't… it made her mad.

By now she felt that she knew this man well, after all she had spent most of her time here dreaming and most of her dreams had been with him. So she knew at once that all this was was a violent tantrum, it reminded her of a sleep deprived toddler who has just been told no. She remembered the words he shouted, how he claimed she could not love him, and how she was just trying to trick him. This angered her more than anything. Who was he to tell her who she could or could not love?! But no matter what sound reasons she offered him he just refused to listen, and that aggravated her. She wanted to slap him, and kiss him, and then perhaps slap him again…The dream had felt so real that by the time she had woken up, she was still mad at him, though she had no idea what to do about it.

She was finally able to calm down, thanks to the book by her side; The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. This was the first book they had given her that hadn't been written for children, and she devoured it. The book had told of a man named Santiago who had gone to Egypt, following a dream that he had had. The dream had been a prophecy, and soon he found things he never even knew were missing in his life! She thought back to her own dream and the love she felt for this, obviously stupid, man and wondered what it meant. She opened the book again, wandering its passages for anything it could give her. She got to the part where he meets the wise alchemist, a man who could turn metal into gold. She paused at the thought... metal into gold… into gold…

She thought of the golden light, the one that had twisted and twirled. Without the sedatives it was easier to focus. What was it? Light didn't do that, it didn't move that way, it had to be something else, like a piece of gold? A string of gold! No, gold didn't come in strings. A chain of gold! That was it! The glittering had been the sunlight bouncing off of it! In her dream she had been watching a chain of gold being spun! Spun? Did you spin chains? No you linked them. This train of thought was starting to confuse her and she decided to let it go. Perhaps it symbolized something. Did it symbolize him? The man in her dream who was obviously important to her, even now she was still a little mad at him for yelling at her.

She shook her head as she realized how carried away she was getting. No, the nurse was right, these were only dreams, just a result of the sedatives… There wasn't really a man, it had all just been a dream. The thought depressed her more than she thought it should have. She looked wistfully back at her book.

But what if it was real? This dream had been so clear and had just felt so real! She wrapped her hands around her arms over the place where he had grabbed her. She could still feel his fingers as they had pressed roughly into her skin. What if it had been a memory? She often tried to remember her life before they brought her to this place, but everything was a jumbled up blur. She did remember she had some kind of family, or were they just close friends? Had she had a boyfriend? Was this man her boyfriend? If so, why hadn't he come to visit her? She was starting to get aggravated again.

"Cleaning day." A voice shouted causing Belle to jump. Her cell door opened and the head nurse stood there looking her usual stern self.

"Up." She ordered, and Belle leapt from her bed clutching the book to her chest. "Book down." She ordered, and Belle placed it in the corner, as far from the nurse as possible. "Come." She said pointing out the door and Belle slowly obeyed, an orderly passing by as they left. The Nurse escorted her down the hall to the showers. The whole process used to be a harrowing experience, but now that she was behaving it was almost pleasant. They no longer used cold water nor scoured her skin with rough pads, a reward, she assumed, for not fighting them off. The warm water felt miraculous against her skin, and it reminded her of the warmth she used to feel in her dreams. Remembering the man, she looked to where the head nurse stood just outside the showers. She wanted desperately to ask, did she know who he was? Was he real?

"Out." The nurse ordered, and she did as she was told. Belle dried herself off and looked again at the nurse who was leaning against a wall reading a magazine only half paying attention.

"Ummm."

"No talking." The nurse said not even bothering to look up.

Belle raised her hand.

"What?" The nurse barked, throwing her arms down in exasperation.

"Umm, I was wondering, do I have any family …or loved ones? Like a boyfriend?" She felt a little embarrassed as the words tumbled from her mouth. The nurse only paused for a moment, and then raised the magazine back up without answering. "I only ask because I had this dream..."

"No more talking or the book goes." The nurse said, cutting her off. Belle continued to dry off in silence.

After she was dressed again the nurse escorted her back to her room. The orderly had just come out and was motioning urgently at the nurse. The head nurse held the door for Belle who went back inside compliantly. It wasn't until the door had been locked again that she realized that her book was gone.

"Nurse!" She yelled, "Nurse my book!" She listened through the door to see if they were still there, she could hear angry whispers. "My Book!" Belle insisted again, "Nurse my book is gone!"

"We've taken your book." The nurse said at last. "We'll get you another one."

"Wait no!" She cried, "No I wasn't done with it yet."

"Well that's too bad, we'll get you another one!" The nurse said aggravated.

"I don't want another one, I wasn't finished with that one! I was good! I did everything you asked! Now give it back!"

"Just for that you get nothing today."

"WHAT!?" Belle was angry, "But I haven't done anything wrong! I followed your rules! Give me back my book!" She kicked her door angrily as she screamed. "I want my BOOK! Give me back my BOOK!" But she could hear the head nurse and the orderly walking away, still whispering fiercely to one another. Belle began slamming her fists on the door. "NO!" she shrieked, "NO NO NO NO NO!" she threw her whole self against the door, pounding her fists and screaming till her voice hurt and her body felt weak. Why? Why did they always get to win?

-Regina –

Regina reached into her purse one more time and closed her hands around the tiny broken cup. She was feeling rather smug, now that Mr. Gold was in jail for beating up Moe French, she was sure to have a nice captive audience for her questions. And now that she had what he wanted, she was sure to get some answers. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she groaned when she saw the number. The nurse rarely called her with good news.

"What?" She asked.

"We've had a bit of a lapse." The nurse said.

"What sort of lapse?" Regina's words were icy and threatening.

"She had a dream last night and today she asked me if she's ever had a boyfriend." The nurse said, sounding worried.

"I thought you took her off the sedatives." Regina said fiercely.

"We have, something must have sparked a memory."

'But which memory?' Regina wondered to herself.

"And then one of the Orderlies brought her the wrong book, she had been reading it for school and accidently left it on her tray." Regina closed her eyes and sighed.

"Which book was it?" She asked only half interested.

"It's called The Alchemist." Regina's eyes popped open. She had never read the book, but she knew what an alchemist was. "we took the book from her today, and she's been throwing a fit ever since."

"I told you to be careful with what you gave her!" Regina shouted.

"It's just a temper tantrum, she'll get it out of her system and be fine. Its not like she remembers… that." The nurse said sounding very defensive.

'No' Regina thought, 'she's remembering something much worse.'

"I thought you were better than this," Regina barked. "But now I'm wondering if you are even half way competent to do the only job I've ever given you."

"Hey, if you want to come down here and take her off my hands, well then you be my guest." The nurse snapped back.

Regina took a moment to collect herself. This was no time to be making enemies.

"You're right, I'm apologize." She said sincerely into the phone. "Things haven't exactly been going my way recently and I'm afraid I am taking my frustrations out on you." The nurse sniffed indignantly at the apology. "You do work hard, and I will try to appreciate that more."

"Fine." The nurse said.

"I'll be down a little later today I just have one quick errand to run first."

After she hung up with the nurse she fished out out her little porcelain bargaining chip and and studied it closely. 'She still had the upper hand in this game' she reminded herself as she let the cup rock back and forth from its handle. She stopped the cup suddenly and carefully placed it back in her purse, 'then again a little more insurance never hurt anyone.'

**I re-read a few of my old passages and didn't care for how it flowed so I re-wrote them a bit. No major story changes, so you aren't missing anything if you've already read it. But regardless I love my one review and would love to hear more of what people think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**So this was a hard chapter to knock out, but I think I am almost satisfied with it. lol. Anyways here is the long delayed chapter, I definitely enjoyed writing it so I hope you enjoy reading it!**

-Belle-

Hours passed as she flailed pitifully against the door, pummeling it with her tiny fists till her limbs gave way and she found herself slumping helplessly towards the floor. Sliding down to the cool cement her eyes darted around for any hint of movement on the other side, but the hall was quiet and empty. In a final act of protest she pressed her face into the crack and began spitting underneath the door. 'I hope the bitch slips and breaks her neck' she thought fiercely before dragging her exhausted body to the far corner of the bed. She hated feeling so powerless; everything in her life was controlled by that woman and the worst part was she didn't know why. She pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her throbbing head against her knees. 'I wonder if I should try to make a run for it next time they open my door.' She thought. She had tried it before but never made it far because of the heavy sedation they had kept her under. Perhaps if she waited for one of the newer interns to try it! She wondered how long it would take before they noticed what she was doing, I mean how closely were they watching her?

As if to answer her question, she heard the thump of a bucket followed by a sharp slapping noise that told her someone was mopping up the mess she'd made in the hall. 'Pretty closely it seems.' She thought and the feeling of defeat began to wash slowly over her. 'They might even have a camera set up somewhere in this cell.' She squeezed her eyes tight to keep the tears from starting. If there was a camera in this cell she wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

'Maybe…' she thought tiredly, 'maybe I should just ask to be put back on the sedatives. At least then I could at least escape to that wonderfully warm place… with that wonderfully stupid man.'

'No!' she told herself immediately, trying to shake the thought away, 'If I give up it means that my life isn't worth fighting for.'

But as she argued with herself she could feel how tired she was, tired of fighting and even more tired of obeying. How bad could it be to live in a dream world? After all no one here seemed to care for her, she never had any visitors and the nurses all hated her. She would have cried then if she wasn't so angry, and she would have screamed if she thought anything would have come out. But her voice was gone… and her will was gone… So why? Why was she still here?

Click…

She could hear the little slat in her door being opened, and she waited for the barrage of gloating she had come to expect from the head nurse…

Silence.

Slowly she raised her head and looked cautiously towards the door. Two cold dark eyes smiled back in at her, and immediately her breath caught in her throat. She stared back unwavering, not wanting to seem afraid; but she was afraid, for some reason she was deathly afraid. She wanted to ask the woman who she was, but she doubted she would have gotten a response.

When the slat shut suddenly a wave of memories hit her like a freight train. She clutched at her head to keep it from splitting apart.

She had seen that woman before! It was the night she had climbed to the top of the clock tower… Why had she done that? Closing her eyes, she let the memory take her back to that hazy night.

Blood, she remembered, she had been covered in blood. The woman had spoke to her, she was trying to coax her away from the edge.

"Come on, give me your hand. You don't want to do this." The woman pled in a calm commanding voice. "Its okay, come with me I'll get you some help. It will all be okay." She looked over the edge where a crowd had gathered, talking in a low panicked jumble.

Why had she come up here? Was she going to jump?

"I know you think you don't have any other options but you do." Regina had said… REGINA! That was the woman's name; she was the mayor, and had been for as long as she could remember! How had she forgotten that? She remembered Regina's hand reaching desperately for her… she remembered she had taken it. But then the memory went black and she couldn't remember any more.

The pain receded at once and she gingerly released her hands from her head, looking tentatively around her cell wondering if more memories would suddenly assault her. She took in a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the vivid images she had seen. She remembered then that it had been Regina who had brought her here where they placed her on a 24-hour suicide watch. She remembered that; what she couldn't remember was why she had tried to kill herself in the first place.

-Regina-

Sitting back in her office, Regina breathed out, feeling relaxed for the first time in days. She had shoved that Storybrooke memory into the girl's head with a little more force than was probably necessary. But what's done is done, and she finally felt _done!_ Pouring herself a victory drink, she took a long slow sip, smiling as she savored it.

Catching sight of herself in the mirror she smiled and raised the glass.

"To the fairest of them all." She said with a small laugh before taking another sip.

Fair, She thought. Nothing in life had ever been fair to her, and nothing good ever lasted for long. Putting the glass down she leaned forward, folding her hands on the desk. The only reason she had been so successful was because she always had a back up plan. It still would not do to have the French girl remember who she had been, and last time things had gotten way to far out of hand. Perhaps it was time to let the girl remember her Storybrooke life, including why she was in the psych ward in the first place. Gracefully she picked up the phone and punched in a familiar number.

"Jefferson." She said cheerfully, "Do you still volunteer at the Hospital by chance?"

-Belle-

That night Belle dreamed again, but this time it was the strange new memory, playing over and over like a video on loop. Most of it was just the Mayor courageously talking her down from the ledge while the townsfolk looked on in horror. She tried to remember what had driven her up there in the first place. Maybe it was all just a dream, after all suicide had been something she'd never even considered before, even in this place. She didn't condone it and the thought made her sick to her stomach.

A tray was pushed through the flap containing cold eggs, bacon, and a brand new book entitled "My side of the Mountain." A quick glance told her that again it was a book intended for young readers.

"Eat." An orderly shouted.

"I still want my book back!" she called and the orderly responded by hitting the door with his fist, ordering her to be quiet. Belle smiled to herself a little, knowing that she still had some fight left in her.

Carrying the tray to the bed, she picked at the eggs and mulled over the dream. It just did not seem right, committing suicide meant giving up, and if there was one thing she knew about herself it was that she was way to stubborn to give up. So what was it then? A dream? A hallucination brought on by sedative withdrawals?

Casually she picked up her new book and began flipping through the pages. Something fell out and twirled lightly to the floor. It was a ripped piece of notebook paper with just one sentence written lightly across it.

"What happened to Garrett?" Instantly her hands flew to her head as a new surge of memories painfully bombarded her.

Garrett… She remembered Garrett. He had been her fiancée!

She had a fiancée!

They lived in a large apartment together just south of the clock tower. It was an arrangement her Father did not care for.

'Papa!' she thought suddenly. 'I remember!' She looked down at the paper again and this time the memory was more specific.

She and Garrett were fighting, and as usual, it was about money. She had asked him for help paying with the water bill because she was running a little short this month. Garrett had blown up. He began slinging around accusations of how she only came to him when she needed money and how if she couldn't manage her own he sure as hell wasn't going to give her any of his. She promptly yelled back the only reason she was running short in the first place was because he always insisted on eating out, even when she offered to cook at home because it would be cheaper.

He then accused her of taking long showers on purpose just to make the bill more expensive. It was the most idiotic thing she had ever heard, and the fight just got more ridiculous from there. What had she ever seen in him? Her Father had pushed her into the relationship, saying that Garrett came from a good family and that he would be able to take care of her. But she had never needed someone to take care of her before. So why had she agreed?

She thought the man from her warm golden dreams and knew instantly it wasn't Garrett. After all Garrett was an idiot, but he wasn't _her_ idiot. So why had she agreed to marry him?

Belle pushed the memories away, trying to rest her head from the pain of it. She had thought that remembering her old life would have made her happy but all she felt were old frustrations that had been long since dead and buried.

…Buried…

"What happened to Garrett?" The piece of paper had asked, and she was thrown back once more to that night on top of the clock tower.

The EMT's had cut off her blood stained clothes after hefting her into the ambulance and she had overheard one of them say with surprise, "She's clean," and didn't understand.

It wasn't until the next day when officer Graham had come in to question her that she was able to comprehend his surprise. She told him how she had blacked out, and that the next thing she knew she was standing on top of the clock tower with Regina. He danced around a few questions, before finally asking, "Miss French, I need you to tell me something. Can you do that?" She nodded "Where is Garrett?" Graham asked seriously.

"Garrett?"

"Yes. Did you see him before you blacked out?"

"I… um…. I don't really remember. Why?" She was starting to get scared… really, really scared.

"You're neighbors said they could hear you fighting last night. Do you remember what you were fighting about?"

"Um, no… Money probably. Why?"

"Miss French, I need you to tell me, is he alive?" Graham said finally with urgency behind each word.

Belle didn't say anything; she couldn't process what he was saying. Frustrated he sighed and tried to think of what to say next when suddenly Garrett's Father burst into the room.

"You!" He shouted, his face red with rage. "You tell me right now! Where is the rest of my son?"

Graham sprang to his feet, "SECURITY!" He called pushing Garrett's father from the room. A whirlwind of panic descended as nurses and guards rushed to restrain the man who was now fighting desperately to reach her, and looked for all the world like he wanted to kill her.

"She knows where he is! It was her! Look at her! She knows what she did!"

Belle could hear him shouting as they dragged him down the hallway, and slowly his words began to sink in. Graham sighed as he turned back to her, his eyes gauging her reaction.

"…The… rest?" She managed to choke out.

"Last night on the clock tower, you were holding something. Do you remember what it was?" He asked.

Belle shook her head and Graham sighed again running a hand through his hair.

"What was it?" She whispered, not sure she wanted to know.

Graham watched silently, trying to determine how much she could handle.

"Miss French" he said stoically, "You were holding a severed human leg."

**heh heh, get it? Anyways let me know what you think! thanks for reading!**


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